WE DON'T DESCRIBE THE FUTURE, WE CREATE IT

# OF WORDS: 547 READING TIME: Under 2 Minutes

“So often times it happens that we live our lives in chains and we never even know we have the key.”
The Eagles

I was recently coaching a person who told me that he would “try” to improve his relationship with a coworker but that it would be “very difficult” and that it would “take a lot of time to trust him.”

Consider the words that are in bold above. Could it be that while this person thinks he’s merely describing the future, he’s actually creating it? Could it be that our words actually produce results in the real world?

Consider these examples:

I was recently reading about Lanny Bassham, a former Olympic rifle shooter and “mental coach” whose clients include U.S. Olympic archers. Bassham notes that the archery community has a peculiar obsession with “target panic,” which refers to a malady sometimes suffered by champion archers who become so worried about hitting the target that they stop themselves from even attempting a shot.

Bassham says that, “the words ‘target panic’ have induced an unnecessary amount of severity and concern about this condition among archers.” He concludes by noting that, “I think if they had a better word for it, they’d have a lot less problem trying to cure it.” (I’ve bolded those words for emphasis).

In his book, The Perfect Mile, Neal Bascomb writes that, “On May 6, 1954, Roger Bannister became the first man to run the mile in less than 4 minutes, a barrier many experts had long considered unbreakable. What is remarkable is that Australia's John Landy and New Zealand's Peter Snell bettered his record that same year. Roger’s feat changed the thinking of people in countries all over the world.” (I’ve bolded those words for emphasis).

In his New York Times column on January 27th, 2008, Nicholas Kristof writes about, “Bill Drayton, the chief executive of an organization called Ashoka that supports “social entrepreneurs” who, according to Ashoka’s website, are “men and women with system changing solutions for the world’s most urgent social problems.” Drayton claims that social entrepreneurs “neither hand out fish nor teach people to fish; their aim is to revolutionize the fishing industry.” (I’ve bolded those words for emphasis).

What do these examples have in common? They all suggest that the key to unlocking our chains lies in the words we use to describe our world.

Consider the possibility that if you want to know what stops someone from achieving a goal, listen to how the goal is described. Could it be that describing a goal as “difficult,” “strenuous,” or “tough” creates those outcomes and that talking about a goal as “achievable,” “exciting,” or “inspiring” creates goals that conform to those descriptions?

Barry Neil Kaufman notes in his book Out-Smarting Your Karma, people will sometimes tell themselves, "If I don't get the promotion, I will be heartbroken." "If she leaves me, I will be heart broken." We promise ourselves now to be miserable later. Isn't it amazing how we can predict the future?”

Perhaps not so amazing. Perhaps the process is quite straight forward: We predict how the future will occur when we describe that future and then, naturally, live out that prediction.

Or, as ancient wisdom has noted, “Be careful what you wish for. You may get it.”

With best wishes, 

Larry

Conventional Wisdom Isn't Always Wisdom

# OF WORDS: 514
READING TIME: Under 2 Minutes

Is it hard to change? Perhaps there’s a change you’ve been wanting to make in your life, but you’ve been finding it to be difficult, if not impossible, to do so.

Conventional wisdom (which is a fancy way of saying “what everyone believes to be true”) would support the “truth” of the statement that “change is hard.” But I’d like you to consider the possibility that conventional wisdom is mistaken and that mistake is the reason change often seems so difficult.

I suggest you consider the possibility that any change (to take a risk you’ve been contemplating, to stop smoking, to go on a diet---fill in the blank with any resolution you’ve made at New Years or at other times) happens in an instant. You could, for example, before you finish reading this sentence, decide to do something you’ve been considering doing for a very long time.

Change seems difficult because of a distinction often missed by conventional wisdom: While it takes only an instant to decide to act, it may take a lifetime of deliberation before we actually do act. And it’s the deliberation, not the change itself, that causes us to think that change is hard.

Consider this unconventional possibility: Most of our change efforts are spent in just that...effort rather than real change. We struggle, strive, contemplate, obsess, worry and brood over a decision that we then make in an instant.

Change is like the Big Bang theory of how the world was created. It took only an instant for the massive explosion to occur that created our world. But no one knows how long it took the Big Bang to “decide” to explode.

Certainly, conventional wisdom offers us the bromide that “to decide in haste, is to repent in leisure,” suggesting that quick decisions are fatally flawed. But are they?

In his book, Blink, Malcolm Gladwell suggests that we actually make our decisions very quickly. Most of the apparent difficulty of changing occurs because, instead of taking the action we’ve already decided upon, we spend our time searching for evidence to confirm the “rightness” of the decision we already made but have failed to act upon. This search looks like an attempt to discover rational “facts,” but is, in reality, an attempt to confirm the rightness of what we are going to do anyway. In fact, we can find evidence to confirm the rightness of any decision we make.

So I suggest you eliminate from your conversation the phrase “change is hard.” It isn’t. It’s the getting ourselves ready for change that causes us to mistakenly believe that. Obsessing is the struggle. And the more we obsess, the harder change appears to be and the harder change appears to be the more we obsess, etc.

But the change itself is quite easy. It is nothing more than a choice we make...or not. It’s the struggle that is difficult, not the change.

So the question to contemplate is not, “Why is change hard?” but rather, “Why are you struggling?”

With best wishes,
Larry

YOU WANT HOPE, COURAGE, GRACE UNDER PRESSURE , HUMOR AND GENEROSITY? GO TO A MOVIE

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“Shall I tell you what I admire most about you? You are at your best when things are at their worst.”

Jeff Bridges, playing an alien in the movie Starman, giving his opinion about human beings.



People I coach these days are looking for certainty, even as they know it's impossible. Failing certainty, they are looking for peace and freedom from their anxiety. On top of economic concerns, healthcare worries, job losses, 401k meltdowns and global warming we now also have... swine flu. Swine flu? Sometimes, I think we’re living through the real life versions of Godzilla, The Blob and Alien (just because you’re paranoid doesn’t meant they’re not out to get you).

You want freedom from your anxiety? I recommend you take a deep breath and spend some time at the movies. Specifically, the movie you should see is “Trouble The Water.” Currently on HBO, it was nominated for an academy award last year (as of this writing, it’s not on DVD, but there is a web site and you can see excerpts from the movie on youtube if you don't have access to HBO).

The movie takes place before, during and after hurricane Katrina, but it is not principally about the government’s inept response to the tragedy nor another diatribe about how people were abandoned by our government.

Rather, the movie is about what’s possible for human beings (that’s us) who are “at their best when things are at their worst.” In other words, it’s a story for our times of hope, courage, grace under pressure, humor and, most of all, generosity.

“Trouble The Water” tells the story of Kimberly Rivers Roberts and her husband Scott. Like 100,000 other people, they were unable to leave New Orleans during the hurricane because they had no car, no friends with cars and the city had failed to arrange for public transportation.

However, unlike almost all of those 100,000 people, Kimberly and Scott videotaped their experiences in their house as the waters rose around them. They even recorded the 911 call they made from the attic of their house to which they and 15 others had retreated as the waters rose and in which, they assured the 911 operator, they were all going to die (quite reasonably, the operator informed the Roberts that no help could come until the hurricane had passed).

All 15 survived the Hurricane. The Roberts ultimately rescued a total of 30 people and took them on a journey to Northern Louisiana, then to Memphis and, finally, back to New Orleans. (see the movie to discover the incredible details of how they accomplished this feat).

Throughout it all, The Roberts display more concern for their fellow sufferers than they do for themselves. I was amazed by their generosity of spirit and "grace under pressure" (Ernest Hemingways' definition of courage) even as they lost all their possessions and even as they were sure they were going to die (in fact, “Amazing” is the name of the song that Kimberly wrote at the age of 13 and sings during the movie. You will be as astounded by Kimberly as everyone seems to be by Sarah Boyle from “Britain’s Got Talent” whose youtube video is still circling the globe).

You think you’ve got problems? The “amazing” Kimberly, it turns out, is the daughter of a crack addicted mother who died of AIDS. She was raised by a grandmother who died in a nursing home during the storm. Scott was a street corner drug dealer who got his life together and has one of the sunniest and lovable dispositions I have ever witnessed.

Please watch “Trouble The Waters.” It's a story of survival and transcendence, of overcoming fear and triumphing in the face of adversity. It's a story we all can share and live in our own lives.

You will love these people, better understand Jeff Bridges' comment in Starman and, without a doubt, be grateful for your life.

With best wishes,
Larry